baptism quandary

[maize]

ok, so i want to get my kids baptized. the problem we are running into is that you have to have godparents for the kids. we dont know any practicing catholics, as family or at our parish as we are not good at making friends. i understand the role that a godparent does but i also see it in that we wont be here forever in this town and are not very good at keeping in touch with people.

so what do i do?

1. baptize them in the tub myself (against wifes wishes, she wants the ceremony)

2. find an episcopal/presbyterian/methodist/etc. church that will do it without the god parent.

3. ask someone online to be the godparent and have a proxy stand in for them at the ceremony?

i just really feel weird about asking someone out of the blue or fast tracking a friendship with an ulterior motive.

[James]

first question,

Do you feel the role of a godparent is important?

[maize]

i think it COULD be important, if the person chosen was close to the family and practiced their faith and would keep in touch with them.

on the other hand i dont think it should be an impediment to receiving the sacramental grace due to not being able to find a person that the church sees as being in good standing and having the correct paperwork.

i guess coming from a background without that rule and also seeing that i havent spoken to my sponsor since confirmation it seems a little outdated, what with all the avenues we have for children being catechized in the church.

[James]

Ok, well if you aren't worried about a godparent than I'd probably go to a sacramental church and just have them do the baptism without a godparent. As you know the Roman Catholic Church will still see the sacrament as totally valid and your kid can grow up and enjoy his Catholicism.

I really value the role godparents play though and would probably try and find someone who could fulfill that role. I guess you don't have any Catholic family? I would probably try to get to know some of the parishioners and ask someone who you like and who would seem to make an effort to stay in contact with your kid. Or an online friend could be better if you feel like they would make more of an effort to stay in contact and whatnot. I don't really know how close of friendships you have with people online though.

Either way will work out just fine. I, like you, think godparents are valuable but not necessary.

[maize]

we have catholic family members that we want but they cant get the paperwork due to invaild marriages and not going to mass regularly.

[James]

Ok, this is what I would do if i were you.

The Episcopal Church requires that the godparents be baptized. So I would have an Episcopal baptism with your chosen godparents. The baptism would be seen as valid by the RCC and your kids would have godparents.

The only issue you'd run into with this would be confirmation. I don't recall if godparents are necessary for RCC confirmations, but the godparents would obviously not be considered valid by the RCC.

Of course when considering what I say recall that I left the Roman Church due to all the legalese, so take it with a grain of salt.

If you want to do it by the book just find someone to do it for the sake of doing it, or get a proxy for someone online.

[xcorduroyfirex]

Maize,
As you know I'm a RCC Convert, who converted as an adult. My husband (then boyfriend) was my sponsor (i was baptized as a UM, so no godparent) so P is responsible for all of that stuff (and has done a good job!).

There is no great race for your child to be baptized. That's not to say you should spring it on him when he's 18, but it isn't absolutely earth shattering if you don't do it RIGHT.NOW. How is your relationship with your priest? Can you talk to him about your concerns about finding a godparent who will be involved in his life (if that is indeed what you want)? He might suggest someone with whom you could talk (probably a eucharistic minister or a CCD teacher or other active parish person) and get to know and eventually have the baptism performed.

Alternatively, if you do leave it go and still have him go through CCD, eventually someone will say, "Hey, about that baptismal record..." and bring it up to you with a sufficient solution before his first communion and confirmation.

I am an active practicing Catholic, but alas, I am too far away to be of any use!

[xCollinx]

^I agree - talk to your priest. I am sure that this is not something that is unheard of. I am certain that he must have an idea or solution that can be of use... At least, I would think that he would!

[maize]

my priest just tells us "there are lots of young couples at mass, go meet them", but we arent very outgoing and are quite shy.

right now my plan is to call my RCIA sponsor and see if she will do it.

im trying to get the baptism and our convalidation done either in one ceremony or over the same weekend.

[xCollinx]

Yeah, I guess call your RCIA sponsor then... I feel your pain on the shyness and whatnot. I am not good at meeting new church friends. I think that it can be a little awkward for some reason...

[maize]

i can be flaky too, i was all set to join the KoC but then backed out cause it was all old men. it sucks living in a retirement community.

[xcorduroyfirex]

Do you have a parish festival?

That was the best way we could meet people (Pat and I go to a parish that is not really in our neighborhood. Our neighborhood parish didn't meet our needs, so we found one that did!). We signed up to help with a booth at the festival and got to meet lots of people. I sang in the choir for a while too but had to quit because of work. It's a once a year thing, but it has little things year round.

What about youth groups, since that's something your family will eventually need (again if you want to)? You sound pretty well versed in Catholic theology and being edge I'm sure you'd be a good role model. Or maybe get involved in RCIA since you're a convert as well? How big is your diocese?

Also: is there a Newman Center associated with the colleges in the area? Generally I've found these to be the best places for young people and families to get connected. The masses are relevant, the priests are generally pretty cool and down to earth.

[maize]

its weird, they have festival/youth things but it doesnt get alot of attention. for example we went to a halloween party that after about half an hour we left cause no one had really showed up yet/brought food/started games. the youth things that happen they usually team up with other churchs i guess to have a bigger group. our kids are still young so they dont have alot of focus on the younger kids just the teens.

its mostly old people and all the people our age are old money types that have all known each other forever, so we are kind of on the outsides it feels like. my son goes to faith formation already so that will pick up soon. im not edge. im in the raleigh diocese but of course im in east carolina in a small town, i think our parish serves like 300 or so families in a 4 or 5 county area.

no colleges. my priest is a good guy, possibly a little liberal, but i dont hold it against him.

[xcorduroyfirex]

Originally Posted by maize

no colleges. my priest is a good guy, possibly a little liberal, but i dont hold it against him.

I kinda like that about my priest...he's a super young guy in a really. really. old parish (one of the first in Pittsburgh), and he rides bikes. A lot. As in, I've seen him on my sunday bike rides in the city, and he commutes between the three churches in our parish on his bike, with his vestments in his panniers.

And he wears Birkenstocks during mass (but I don't hold that against him).

Sorry, I've lost track of who the heck is edge here and not.

[maize]

my rcia sponsor is going to do it.

[xCollinx]

^Nice